


Another World (Is Not the Program You're Watching)

by Missy



Category: Moonlighting (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - Space, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Canon-Typical Crack, Crack, F/M, Humor, Romance, Tropes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 04:06:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5524805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maddie and Dave have a sit-down with their Yuletide audience.  They're kinda new to this fanfic thing...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Another World (Is Not the Program You're Watching)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blithers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blithers/gifts).



> As in the great tradition of all fourth-walling Moonlighting fics, David and Maddie's asides are all in italics. Have a happy Yuletide, Blithers!

_“Hello,” said Maddie, regally elegant and poised as she stared into the camera, “and welcome to this year’s Yuletide spectacular. We’re not really sure how to go about this, since David’s terrible at following orders.”_

_“I don’t even follow stop signs,” David offered from beside her._

_“But we’re going to try our best to please the person who asked us to entertain them. I admit I’m a little nervous.”_

_“Eh, it’s a piece of cake, Mads – you just follow the orders and give ‘em what they want. Razzle their dazzles, give ‘em what the came for!”_

_“Well, that’s a dangerous proposition! What if they ask us to wear a gorilla suit and jump off the Golden Gate bridge or something weird like that?”_

_“Hey, don’t kinkshame the kids at home! Anyway, this first segment’s all about what it’d be like if me and Maddie were living in the middle of a big, splashy Disney musical. Though confidentially, it might be a little blue. I hope they’re keeping Walt’s head on ice for this one.”_

_“That’s just a rumor.”_

_“No, it was a tumor, but they’re trying to cure it. Roll the feature!”_

###

Once upon a time, in the fair kingdom of California, there lived a peaceful people. Those people were ruled by one woman: the Princess Madeline. Everyone loved Princes Maddie. Some for her pleasing personality –

“DAMN IT, DO YOU HAVE TO DRIVE THIS CARRIAGE OVER EVERY SINGLE RUT IN THE ROAD?”

\- But many others loved her for her beauty. One day the princess was on the road, traveling from a princess convention to her home kingdom. There she was accosted by a roguish highwayman with a devil-may-care personality and incredible, chiseled good looks.

“I’m starting to wish I was the narrator,” Maddie grumbled. She eyed the highwayman before him, rolling her eyes before saying, “oh help, oh help, my jewels are in danger!”

“Lady, I’m not interested in your jewels,” said the highwayman – his name was Davis, Davis the incredibly handsome highwayman…

###

_“Oh God..”_

_“Hey, you’re stopping me before I get to the good part!”_

$$$

“Would you pipe down?” Princess Maddie asked the sky. “Then why did you detain me?”

“Because,” he said, with an orchestral swing. “I believe in magic. Do you believe in magic, Princess? In a young girl’s heart?” he opened the carriage door and held out his hand. “That the music can free her whenever it starts?”

Let’s leave it at that, just so the mouse’s lawyers don’t come after us. At the end of the number, the princess and her highwayman collapsed in a laughing heap under a large, shady tree.

“Oh Davis, you’ve changed me! I believe in true love now! And the power of really random musical numbers!”

“All in a day’s work, Princess. Why don’t we head off to your castle and I’ll let you sit on my royal scepter.”

“That’s disgusting – so disgusting that I’m instantly turned on. Let’s go!”

And they all lived happily ever after – er, whenever the big cheese’s lawyers let them leave the Disney vault.

###

_“That was terrible,” Maddie said. “I bet half our readers back buttoned out of this fic the second you started to sing!”_

_“Oh yeah? You think you can do better?”_

_“Of course,” Maddie said. “This is a story about a man, a woman, and the satellite who loved them.”_

_“Sounds like a robot’s oily dream. What do you call it?”_

###

“…I call it a total dump, Davix,” Madee said, glaring at the tiny apartment that would be their home for the next few months.

“Only the best for my princess. We’ll just give it a little old spruceroonie and everything’ll be in tip-top shape!” he grinned and gave the panel an affectionate pat – which quickly made the entire console fall apart in his hands.

“I’ll get the space glue,” she sighed.

###

They were several parsecs over Gamma Eight when the console spoke up for the first time. “Coordinates maintained, course set. Do you wish anything more from me, Madee and Davix units?”

“Yeah, can you conjure up a brewskie? Searching the galaxy for people to help works up a thirst,” Davix said.

###

_“Why am I always a lush in your stories?”_

_“Ask your liver.”_

###

“I am afraid I cannot provide you with liquid sustenance. Please check the refrigeration unit. Entering auto-pilot mode.”

“Whelp,” Davix leered at Madee, “now that the kid’s asleep, whatcha say mommy and daddy have little bouncy-bouncy rumpy-pumpy?”

“Could you have put that any more sleazily?” Madee wondered.

“Give me a chance and I’ll try,” he said.

Just then, the computer whirred to life. “ERROR! HUMANS MUST NOT PROCREATE. MUST. DESTROY!” A laser shot from the dash toward Davix, barely missing his lush mane of hair…

###

_Maddie flipped through the script in disgust. “The rest of this is nothing but pure violence and shots of my cleavage!”_

_“Which is how you keep people flipping pages!” David said._

_“I think we should end this here,” Maddie said. “Goodnight, Yuletide.”_

_“Don’t take any wooden cookies!” David added._


End file.
